What to Do to Help a Grieving Friend or Family Member
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What to Say to a Griever?
There are times in our lives when we are either speechless at a loss for words, and times when we think we have said the wrong thing to someone. Grieving is one of the situations which creates these outcomes for us.
You can’t say the wrong thing if what you say:
Offers comfort to the bereaved
Shows support to the bereaved
Reminds the griever that you will be “there” for them (and then actually do “show up” for them)
Shares a story or something unique about the deceased person that might not be known to the bereaved person.
And don’t…
Tell the griever you know how he/she feels. You actually don’t know, because no two relationships and grief experiences are the same, even if the losses are the same ie. spouse, sibling, parent, grandparent.
Don’t make a promise that you might not be able to follow through on. Such as…
I’ll do the shopping for you every week
I’ll attend church or synagogue with you every week
I’ll take care of the kids every weekend
Want More Ideas for What to Say to Grievers?
For more information on what to say and not to say to a griever, visit the article on the HelloGiggles website in which I give many recommendations.
What to Give a Griever?
Gift-giving on the occasion of a death is not typical. In some cases, friends or family members might make a donation to a specific charity in memory of the deceased.
Sometimes people send flowers to the church or funeral home, or send or bring food to a “shiva” (Jewish mourning custom that is a gathering of friends and family at home for a week after the funeral).
However, in recent times, there has been more interest in giving friends or relatives a gift -- an object or experience which will provide some small bit of comfort in the aftermath of the death of a loved one.
Here are a few ideas:
A throw blanket (it’s nice to feel cozy when you’re feeling blue)
A comfortable bathrobe
A gift card for restaurant meal delivery
Pay for a housekeeper or babysitter for a day
A special picture frame (grievers often make photo collages or frame special photos to display)
Plant a memorial tree in the backyard. (As it grows, it will become a lifetime of remembrance.)
Give a gift certificate for a massage (have you ever met someone who is not stressed out after a death?)
Give an introductory Grief Yoga class (People who practice regularly love it, and even beginners swear by its impact on grief.)
What Else Can You Gift Grievers?
For more ideas, take a look at New York Magazine’s STRATEGIST column article in the link below, where there are even more creative ideas for gift-giving.
The bottom line is the same for what to say and what to give.
It’s all about your presence.
A griever always remembers the ones who show up in their time of distress after losing a loved one.
The best thing to say, sometimes, is to not say anything and just be present for the person in their grief.
