Father’s Day Grief: Absence of Your Father or Your Child on This Day
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How to Celebrate Father’s Day Amongst Grief
I know it’s a tough one. Every June, without fail, Father’s Day comes around. Every year, my grieving clients ask me, how to handle this potentially hard holiday. I too have experienced the death of my Dad, so I am well aware of what Father’s Day can be like.
My Advice
I remind grievers that they can choose to honor the day with a celebration honoring their Dad, or they can choose to let the day pass quietly. There is no right or wrong way to handle a holiday.
Celebrate If You Choose To
If you feel in the mood to celebrate your father and the memories you created together, the ways he enjoyed living, and the values he handed down to you, you can do that.
Play golf, host a barbecue, take a walk and enjoy the day. Eat a meal he really enjoyed. Participate in an activity that gave him joy. Watch one of his favorite movies, if that feels right. This is one way to handle Father’s Day.
Storytelling— sharing great memories about time with your Dad can be a positive experience. Here’s an article about how storytelling can add to your Father’s Day.
Another way to handle Father’s Day is “doing nothing.” If your grief is too overwhelming, you can just surrender to the day and try to ignore it. It’s your day, so it’s your choice as to how to spend it.
Feel free to take a pass on any festivities that will make you feel uncomfortable. If anyone asks, you can say anything you want.
Here are a few suggestions:
“I’m just not up to it this year”.
“I am really grieving at holidays like this”.
“Really not in the mood. Hopefully, next year.”
“I really appreciate the invitation, hopefully next year”.
“It’s too hard for me”.
Then, spend the day in a way that would make you feel supported, loved and calm.
What If You’re a Dad Who Lost a Child?
Grieving can also be hard on Father’s Day when it is the FATHER who is grieving the loss of his child, This article sheds some light on that aspect of the day from the point of view of a father.
The website for grieving Dads offers a lot of information on this topic. Take a look.
Suggested Read: Virtual Grief Counseling, It Works!
Do What Is Good For You
Your Needs Are Important
Understand that when you are grieving, you have your own special needs that are important. (We sometimes call it “The Mourner’s Bill of Rights”).
Remember, one of the goals in grieving is to not judge yourself on how you’re grieving. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. real. The way to grieve is the way which comes naturally to you. Nobody should judge another’s grief or grieving behavior. And you should not judge your own either.
Honor the Truth
Honor the truth. This “Hallmark card day” Father’s Day is a hard day for someone whose Dad has died. You have every right to be sad that your Dad is not physically here with you any longer.
