Grief is not One-Size Fits All: There are Many Types of Grief
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Is All Grief the Same?
Most people seem to think that “grief” is just “grief.” But in reality, there are many different types.
What is always true with any type of grief is that everyone grieves differently in his or her own unique way.
Grief and mourning are different. Grief is what we think and feel on the inside when someone we love dies. Examples include fear, loneliness, panic, pain, yearning, anxiety, emptiness etc.
It is the internal meaning given to the experience of loss. Mourning is the outward expression of our grief; it is the expression of one's grief.
What is Grief?
Grief is the reaction to a loss in your life. It most commonly refers to the death of a loved one, but often includes the loss of physical or cognitive abilities, or the loss of something that was an important routine embedded in your life, like a job, or a marriage, or a home.
Grief can be expressed through emotions, but also through physical, behavioral, social and cognitive ways. It all counts as “grief.”
As a grief counselor, I work with clients whose grief is the result of the death of a loved one.
What Are The Types of Grief?
Here are the various types of grief:
Normal Grief.
This is the natural response to the death of a loved one. It will appear differently on everyone, but it is the natural way in which people handle the big life event of death. It will probably start out as raw and intense and move gradually, in a different timetable for everyone, towards acceptance of this loss and adjustment to the life without that loved one.
In normal grief, grievers are able to function in their daily activities, despite the huge loss. The feelings associated with normal grief are vast – including sadness, loneliness, fear, anger, guilt, shame, regret, disbelief, shock, relief.
Anticipatory Grief.
When a loved one is diagnosed with a terminal illness, the grieving process can begin at that time. This may be long before the actual death takes place, depending upon the trajectory of the illness. In a way, your mind is starting to face the idea of life without that person. It’s sometimes hard to have this kind of grief because you know that the person has not yet died and it may be confusing to you as to why this kind of grief has started to take over, in your mind.
For more information on anticipatory grief, read my blog HERE!
Complicated Grief.
This is the term for a normal grief that becomes severe and long-lasting and significantly impairs the ability for the griever to function in life. Some of the symptoms include deep and constant feelings of guilt, low self-esteem, suicidal thoughts, radical lifestyle change, self-destructive behavior.
Chronic Grief.
This is a grief that is accompanied by feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, disbelief that the death really happened, avoidance of any situation that may remind the griever of this loss, and loss of meaning and value and belief systems. This can surely turn into clinical depression and other harmful circumstance.
Disenfranchised grief
Sometimes this is also called Ambiguous Grief. This is a big one, and a most unfortunate kind of grief. This grief is usually felt when someone experiences a loss that is not acknowledged by others as a real loss for the griever.
Friends and family may diminish the significance of the loss or not understand the importance of the deceased in the griever’s life. This results in loneliness, experiencing grief without the support of others.
This can occur when the person who died is an ex-spouse, ex-partner, ex-lover, co-worker, pet, close friend or even the loss that comes when a loved one becomes a new version of himself/herself, as with dementia or Alzheimer’s disease.
Check Out My Blog to Learn More About Disenfranchised Grief HERE!
Cumulative Grief.
I call this “grief overload.” When a person endures multiple losses at once, or at least within close proximity of timing. There comes a point when it seems like deaths are taking over life. The griever often feels like announcing, “My door is closed. No more deaths.”
Masked Grief.
Often people will go to their doctor or therapist, complaining of various symptoms. They are actually symptoms that are accompanied by grief but are often “masked” as other conditions – “acting out behaviors,” ADHD, compulsive eating, over-exercising, etc. In reality they are happening because of the grief.
Delayed Grief.
This shows up when grief reactions and emotions occur well after the time period in which grief would be expected to show up. It is as if the actual grief was postponed to a later time.
Often the person does not recognize that his/her behavior is really the grief that has been delayed for a long period of time. I have had clients show up with their grief anywhere from two to five years after the death occurred.
Absent Grief.
This is a tough one. When the bereaved person shows no signs of grief and acts as if nothing big has happened. It is usually because shock or denial is going on. If it goes on for an extended period of time, often a friend or family member will suggest that they reach out for grief counseling support.
However, it’s important to note that just because someone is not showing outward signs of grief, does not mean that are not grieving. So, there is a final line between that situation one in which there is actual absent grief and a real lack of grieving.
Distorted grief.
This is when extremely intense or atypical reactions to a loss are occurring. It may be seen as odd behavior changes and sometimes self-destructive actions. There is often anger and hostility present in the actions as well.
Exaggerated Grief.
This occurs when there is a heightened display of normal grief reactions that may worsen over time. These reactions include nightmares, drug or alcohol abuse, suicide ideation, abnormal fears, and psychiatric disorders.
Secondary Losses.
When a friend or family member dies, there are other losses that can go along with it. Loss of financial stability, shift in or loss of your role in the family dynamics, loss of your own job if you don’t return to work, loss of household support, loss of “fun activities and travel” that may have been a part of your life.
Inhibited Grief.
This occurs when an individual does not show outward signs of grief for a long period of time. The griever is probably trying to hide the grief, which it can lead to physical manifestations of grief (sickness) and other physical symptoms.
Abbreviated Grief.
This can happen when someone’s grief response stops after a very short period of time. Sometimes this is because there was a long period of “anticipatory grief” before the death, resulting in some sense of relief and previous mourning.
Or perhaps there was little attachment to the deceased and the griever is able to, in some way, fill the role of the deceased with someone or something else within a short period of time.
Collective Grief.
This was prevalent with the 9/11 tragedy, and with the current Covid 19 pandemic. It is grief felt by a collective group at once …. a community, a country, a world, a society, a village or any group that is being impacted by the same kind of death at the same time.
Usually, this occurs in the case of a terrorist attack, a natural disaster, death of a public figure, an epidemic or any other event that leads to mass casualties.
You’re not alone if you feel real grief from other kinds of losses.
Here is an article from GoodTherapy that explains some of them:
There are as many ways to grieve as there are types of grief. And there is no right way or wrong way to grieve.
If you think that GRIEF IS MAKING YOU CRAZY, I can help you with some grief counseling support.
