Mother’s Day Grief: Missing Your Mom, or Missing “Mothering”
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How to Survive Mother’s Day Without Your Mom
It’s Mother’s Day time again here in the United States. You might remember all the years in your life in which you made or bought a card for your Mom, and also made sure to give her a call or text on that special Sunday.
My Mother’s Day memory in years past is this:
I stood for what seemed like hours in front of the card display, trying to decide whether to buy a funny one or a sentimental one. Sometimes, I ended up with one of each. My Mom was sentimental, so if my card made her cry, I’d want another one to make her laugh.
What Mother’s Day Looks Like Without Mom
If your mother died recently, this Mother’s Day might be a quiet, empty holiday for you. You may be intensely feeling the void of your mother, as you grieve her, with the reminder that this year your mother is no longer here on earth.
There will be no card shopping. And you will be especially noticing those people celebrating Mother’s Day in full form on Sunday May 12. Those daughters and sons still have their mother’s physical presence and can enjoy their company, while you are reminded of her absence on this “Hallmark” holiday.
Mothers Day Minus Your Child
If you’re grieving the loss of a child or the lack of being a Mom to a child on Mother’s Day, the feelings are equally as hard for you. It can trigger that feeling of unfairness and despair, reminding of your desire to be a mother or the memories of when you were “mothering” a child or an adult child.
Photo by Zoe Schaeffer on Unsplash
For mothers who are grieving the loss of a child on Mother’s Day, click here for an informative article.
How to Handle Mother’s Day Without Mom
12 things you can do to cope with this holiday:
Decide to keep it low-key. Spend quite time with a family member, visit a friend, watch a movie, chill out.
If you don’t want to be around a scene of mothers and daughters, avoid brunch places and entertainment venues. Seeing other mothers and children or adult kids could be a strong grief trigger.
If you feel you need to really ignore Mother’s Day this year, spend time doing productive things that need to get done…paying bills, gardening work, household chores, spring cleaning .. so that you can feel accomplished about what you did while surviving Mother’s Day.
If you are grieving the loss a child, take some time to think of all the ways in which you have nurtured and “mothered” other children in your life. Those relationships count as much and can be very meaningful.
Decide to honor your Mom. If you feel up to it, visit the cemetery. Work on a photo album or scrapbook of memories of your Mom. Spend time in a place that was important to her and gave her joy. Tell stories about her. Buy or make her favorite foods and enjoy them. Allow yourself to keep her spirit with you in the way you spend Mother’s Day, if it’s not too painful.
Honor another “mother” figure in your life… a mentor, an aunt, a grandmother, a neighbor, a teacher. Reflect on someone who “mothers” you in her own way. Send her a card, take her out, give her a call, tell her how important she is to you and enjoy having her in your in your life.
Here is a helpful article from CNN about how Mother’s Day isn’t a celebration for everyone.
7. Part of your grief journey is to keep your Mom’s presence alive. You could write her a letter, tell her what’s been going on in your life, how much you miss her, and how much your past celebrations together meant to you.
8. Plan a day of self-care for yourself. Nobody deserves pampering more than a grieving person does. Consider getting a spa treatment, or a manicure/pedicure or anything else that might help you feel peaceful and nurtured.
9. Share this day with others who have lost a mother. If you have friends or family members who are grieving a mother, spend time together in whatever way works for everyone. Sharing the day can make it easier for you.
10. Volunteer somewhere. Almost everyone feels better when they are helping others. Focusing on a volunteer project takes your mind off your own sadness and challenges, diverts your attention for a while, and can feel very productive at the end.
11. Movie marathon time. Sometimes, watching movies (especially comedies) can be a great escape, transporting to another world on-screen. Since laughter is the best medicine, watch fun movies until Mother’s Day is over and you can face the real world again.
12. Exercise. Get your endorphins going. If you’re feeling unmotivated on Mother’s Day, this could be just the right approach. With a burst of energy, the day might just turn out alright.
Good luck…And Remember…
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