Valentine’s Day After The Death of a Loved One
4 Minute Read
Another Valentine’s Day
Here we are, coming up on another Valentine’s Day. Another Feb. 14 appearing on our calendars and at a Hallmark store near us, complete with little sugar candy hearts at the front of the store.
Honor How You Feel
It’s Valentine’s Day. You are allowed to be sorely missing your loved one. You can express your emotions during that day or evening. You can completely opt-out of celebrating the “greeting card holiday” this year. You may, however, feel like celebrating your love and your relationship with your loved one anyway, as a way of honoring it.
Since we’re on the theme of love and Valentine’s Day, I want to let you know about a book that was published in 2022 called GRIEF IS LOVE, by Marisa Renee Lee. The author experienced the loss of her mother, a pregnancy, and a cousin who died of covid.
This book is compassionate, and beautifully written, explores what comes after death and shows us that, if we can own and honor what we’ve lost, we can experience a beautiful life amidst the grief. This may be a good book to treat yourself to on this holiday, for a perspective on how grief is love.
Here are a few of my tips for handing Valentine’s Day while grieving:
Try to remember some of your favorite Valentine’s Day celebrations with your loved one; you might find yourself smiling in the process of remembering.
Think about how lucky you were to have had that “sweetheart” to celebrate with.
Realize that you still have the love for your loved one, though they are not physically here. This love is integrated in your life in a different way now.
You can choose celebration, rather than avoidance, of the holiday. Commemorate your loved one with a ritual. Light a special candle, display a heart-shaped object in your home, enjoy a food or a romantic movie that you two enjoyed together. Honor that love in ways that feel special to you.
Start a new tradition with your friends to celebrate platonic love. Those friendships are loving relationships too.
Photo by Shayna Douglas on Unsplash
Practice self-love. Get a manicure, a massage or buy yourself a treat. Or gift yourself the kind of gift that your loved one may have bought for you.
Honor your loved one by donating to a local charity that was important to him/her. That spreads love to those who need it and can benefit from your loving gesture.
Reach out to a special friend, a relative, or a neighbor, and surprise them with a call or a note on Valentine’s Day to show them some love.
If you have a grief counselor, discuss Valentine’s Day and the theme of “love” in your sessions. Share some of the ways in which you and your partner showed love, felt love, or acted with love. It can be an inspiring time and a good way to refresh your memory of some of your experiences. A counselor can provide the safe space for you to tell your stories any way you want. And there’ll be nobody else around to say, “Are you almost done?”
Some rituals to use while grieving on Valentine’s’ Day can be found using the link below:
Here's the good news.
On February 15, a new day will dawn, and the national “commercial” day of love will be over.
For more on how grief counseling can help when grief hits you hard, schedule a complimentary consultation.
