During and After Grief, it is Possible to Find Happiness
You can find joy during times of grief.
And you should.
Staying in the “heaviness” of grief without shifting to some “lightness” is a profoundly uncomfortable way of being.
It’s true that after the death of a loved one, life will not be quite the same again. However, healing is possible, and learning to live again is doable, and usually, inevitable, if you want it to be.
The loss will remain
Many call it “a hole in the heart.” But the sting will not be as sharp and raw it was in the very beginning. It’s normal to feel sad after a death. What comes after the grieving process and how you continue to live, the “going forward” part, has everything to do with how willing you are to work through grief and how ready you are to continue on, in the life which is now your “new normal.”
Steps Towards Happiness
Working through the grief process and allowing it to run its natural course is what needs to happen in order for a person to truly realize that he/she can be happy again.
For some people, it takes a long time to get to the stage of grief that involves hope and a willingness to be happy again. The bereaved person has to understand on a very deep level that it is possible to “feel” again without dishonoring the deceased.
When a person has suffered a huge loss, it can be so difficult to even have the desire and motivation to look for ways to find happiness.
Those who have gone on to survive grief and find joy again, suggest the following approaches:
Small steps.
Let the process of grieving run its course. Don’t rush it. Until the intensity of your grief subsides, you can’t expect to be truly happy again. Work through your guilt, extreme pain, extreme sadness, intense anger, and every other feeling and emotion. Often, reaching out to a grief counselor gives you a structure for doing this work.
Focusing on the important things.
After the death of a spouse, for example, some people focus on themselves, what they can do to be happy again, and even spend their time and energy on living and loving for their remaining family members.
Redefining happiness.
Sometimes, when you can’t fill the void in its exact same way, it takes something new to help ease the pain. Try to find new things or experiences from which to derive pleasure. Whether it's the personal fulfillment of accomplishing goals, spending more time with family or taking up a new activity, learning to live again may sometimes require an adjustment in outlook and thinking.
Finding Happiness.
Remember that life after loss is not an easy experience to endure. While things will never be exactly the same again, “different” can be happy as well.
Finding Happiness After Grief
The website Tinybuddha.com published a blog about finding happiness after grief.
The author Missy Yost suggests that sometimes a tragedy can give new energy to life and bring more awareness to our life.
As part of grieving the death of her father, she blamed herself for his death. Then one day, in a true aha! moment, she realized that it would make him sad to know this. He wanted her to be happy and live happily. At that moment, she drew her conclusion that:
The best thing we can do is honor the person we lost is by living our lives to the fullest. After all, wouldn’t that be our wish for them?
Then, with that realization, she chose to honor him by living her own life to the fullest, appreciating every moment, and all the people that make her own life special.
She started doing the things that she had always wanted to do. She also learned to stop and appreciate the small things around her. For her, although this was a time of great sadness, it was also an unexpected time of personal growth, which resulted in a more meaningful life.
Continuing to live and find joy is the ultimate way to honor your loved one.
I think so. Give it some thought. And consider, that there IS happiness after grief.
Suggested Reads
Recently, a new book was released by author Katherine May. In it, she shows the reader how she allowed herself to go through her period of “wintering” and came out, with some sense of contentment. It’s a beautiful read. The title is WINTERING: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times.
To endure your grief, it is necessary to keep in mind that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel, in the form of some joyful living.
Would you benefit from a grief counselor? Download my free info sheet or schedule a complimentary phone consult to find out.
